Saturday, March 13, 2004
After watching Ghost World for the second time:
I've got a headache, and I'm trying to figure out why. I've been goddamn depressed enough recently, so I think I owe it to myself to try and figure out why.
As a humanist I've always believed that human beings are good at heart... conflicting heavily with protestant doctrine stating that human beings are born "evil." I also believe that we're drawn to each other, that we need each other. A person can't exist by his/herself... they need other people. Several times since I started at Clemson, usually when in a foul temper, I've tried to convince myself that I'd be better off on my own, stuck in a room by myself somewhere. I'd get all my work done easily. I'd have all the time in the world to play video games.
Somehow though, when I get to dinner that day, I sit down with people I enjoy being with and after a while I realize that while everyone, including me, has their faults, in the end I love people and I could never be completely alone. Middle school was the closest I've ever been to being completely alone, and I could never go through that again. Maybe that is what makes us human. Then again, maybe that is our animal nature, as there is another drive that we have; one that is deeper... darker than the drive to be with other people.
This is where we come to the character Edith from Ghost World (don't worry, if you haven't seen it you don't have to stop reading). Edith obviously rejects the world around her (as most of us do, otherwise we wouldn't have escaped to university). By the end of the movie, despite finding several things in life she loves and feels she needs to be close to, she ends up distancing herself from everyone. The final scene shows her getting on a bus and disappearing from the stage that is familiarity. At the end of the movie most people feel vaguely depressed. Why did Edith reject everyone? Why did she run?
The truth is, we all have it in us. That fear. We love people; we love to be with them... they are the most complex things we interact with on a daily basis. Some of them we can predict and understand and some boggle the hell out of us. Some we fall in love with, because they have the perfect mix between expectation and bewilderment. I don't know about others, but complex people fascinate me.
I've strayed form the point. We have this fear. Deep down inside, underneath all the worshipping, we don't understand people. I think of people as good and others think of them as bad at heart, but the truth is we just don't understand them. We haven't a clue. We all fear what we don't understand, so while we pull people close to us to try and feel whole, we get scared. I don't know why.
I'll try and think this over a little bit and try and continue on the darker part, the part that makes us reject the people aroun dust.
I've got a headache, and I'm trying to figure out why. I've been goddamn depressed enough recently, so I think I owe it to myself to try and figure out why.
As a humanist I've always believed that human beings are good at heart... conflicting heavily with protestant doctrine stating that human beings are born "evil." I also believe that we're drawn to each other, that we need each other. A person can't exist by his/herself... they need other people. Several times since I started at Clemson, usually when in a foul temper, I've tried to convince myself that I'd be better off on my own, stuck in a room by myself somewhere. I'd get all my work done easily. I'd have all the time in the world to play video games.
Somehow though, when I get to dinner that day, I sit down with people I enjoy being with and after a while I realize that while everyone, including me, has their faults, in the end I love people and I could never be completely alone. Middle school was the closest I've ever been to being completely alone, and I could never go through that again. Maybe that is what makes us human. Then again, maybe that is our animal nature, as there is another drive that we have; one that is deeper... darker than the drive to be with other people.
This is where we come to the character Edith from Ghost World (don't worry, if you haven't seen it you don't have to stop reading). Edith obviously rejects the world around her (as most of us do, otherwise we wouldn't have escaped to university). By the end of the movie, despite finding several things in life she loves and feels she needs to be close to, she ends up distancing herself from everyone. The final scene shows her getting on a bus and disappearing from the stage that is familiarity. At the end of the movie most people feel vaguely depressed. Why did Edith reject everyone? Why did she run?
The truth is, we all have it in us. That fear. We love people; we love to be with them... they are the most complex things we interact with on a daily basis. Some of them we can predict and understand and some boggle the hell out of us. Some we fall in love with, because they have the perfect mix between expectation and bewilderment. I don't know about others, but complex people fascinate me.
I've strayed form the point. We have this fear. Deep down inside, underneath all the worshipping, we don't understand people. I think of people as good and others think of them as bad at heart, but the truth is we just don't understand them. We haven't a clue. We all fear what we don't understand, so while we pull people close to us to try and feel whole, we get scared. I don't know why.
I'll try and think this over a little bit and try and continue on the darker part, the part that makes us reject the people aroun dust.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside world!
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside world!
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Despite my undying love and support for the Dreamcast (I have two, with a bunch of burned games... you can buy a DC for 15 bucks now) I'm considering buying a new console. But I'm stuck.
Gamecube: CHEAP! You can pick a used one up for 60 bucks at Electronics Boutique. I know the GC isn't known for it's great games... but there are a few I'm interested in: Metal Gear Solid: Twin Snakes (MGS1 remake), the Resident Evil remake and RE0, as well as the Metroid game and some others. I'm not a huge fan of the Gamecube controller though.
X-Box: Best hardware as far as I can tell..especially since it is the same price as the PS2. It has Metal Gear Solid 2, Dead Or Alive, plus the new Tenchu game
PS2: Probably my last choice right now. I don't think I'll be getting into the Final Fantasy games again... then again it will be getting Metal Gear Solid 3 someday.
I don't know.. I'm kind of stuck, the GC is so cheap though.. what do you guys think? As far as games, I'm more interested in cool console games rather than PC ports (my pc can handle anything new at the moment).
Gamecube: CHEAP! You can pick a used one up for 60 bucks at Electronics Boutique. I know the GC isn't known for it's great games... but there are a few I'm interested in: Metal Gear Solid: Twin Snakes (MGS1 remake), the Resident Evil remake and RE0, as well as the Metroid game and some others. I'm not a huge fan of the Gamecube controller though.
X-Box: Best hardware as far as I can tell..especially since it is the same price as the PS2. It has Metal Gear Solid 2, Dead Or Alive, plus the new Tenchu game
PS2: Probably my last choice right now. I don't think I'll be getting into the Final Fantasy games again... then again it will be getting Metal Gear Solid 3 someday.
I don't know.. I'm kind of stuck, the GC is so cheap though.. what do you guys think? As far as games, I'm more interested in cool console games rather than PC ports (my pc can handle anything new at the moment).
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Wrote a new song for the next Caustic Cindex cd, you can download here.
I've also compiled a list of all of my cds, you can read that here
Besides that, nothing much going on. Lazy Sunday.
I've also compiled a list of
Besides that, nothing much going on. Lazy Sunday.
I am looking for inspiration
and I think I found it in your heart
It's the kind of thing you get when you're
not looking
It's the kind of thing you had from the start
Put me on a ship that is sinking
on a voyage to an untamed land
Take away the freedoms I wanted
I understand
Please, don't take your love away from me
Don't take your love away from me
Please don't take your love away from me
Please don't take your love away from me
Please don't take your love away from me
Put me inside flesh that is dying
A ghost that wanders without rest
Buried by desires and weakness
I understand
Please, don't take your love away from me.
Vast - Don't take your love away
and I think I found it in your heart
It's the kind of thing you get when you're
not looking
It's the kind of thing you had from the start
Put me on a ship that is sinking
on a voyage to an untamed land
Take away the freedoms I wanted
I understand
Please, don't take your love away from me
Don't take your love away from me
Please don't take your love away from me
Please don't take your love away from me
Please don't take your love away from me
Put me inside flesh that is dying
A ghost that wanders without rest
Buried by desires and weakness
I understand
Please, don't take your love away from me.
Vast - Don't take your love away
