Saturday, December 18, 2004
Sometimes you get it, but I've got no time to get it
It's amazing how utterly content one can be. The past few days have been spent getting frustrated with my dial-up connection while attempting to finish up graduate applications. But yet, the whole time I’m just counting the seconds until I can see the source of my happiness again.
And yet why should a lovely time in my life be soured with the arrival of yet another birthday? I began to lose faith in it during university, when the awkward positioning of the event made it hard to celebrate with anyone else than my parents.
This year seems even more disturbing than the last, and now I understand why adults are much less enthusiastic about birthdays: the growing has stopped. My body has long since ceased its endless quest to reach greater heights. I’ve also reached a plateau in emotional and mental capacity. I’m sure I have something to look forward to, but I don’t know what it is yet, as there is so much that is unknown at this part in my life.
This time next year I could be in London, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Providence, Manchester, Oxford, New York City, or Chapel Hill. What does it matter that I’m a year further away from youth? The real news is yet to come, and so this pitiful little day seems hardly worth noticing. Instead of feeling excited, I’m sitting here at 2 am, watching a hard drive format. When it hits 100%, I’ll be far more elated than I was when the clock struck twelve.
It doesn’t appear like there will be enough in town to make any sort of get-together worthwhile. Even dinner plans with my parents are sounding less and less enticing. I’ve got fucking applications to do; I think I’ll stick to those.
Thank god she’s here though, keeping my heart up with her eyes. It would have been a lot tougher otherwise.
I’d prefer to be wished a productive birthday, as it’s far more likely than the traditional wish.
And yet why should a lovely time in my life be soured with the arrival of yet another birthday? I began to lose faith in it during university, when the awkward positioning of the event made it hard to celebrate with anyone else than my parents.
This year seems even more disturbing than the last, and now I understand why adults are much less enthusiastic about birthdays: the growing has stopped. My body has long since ceased its endless quest to reach greater heights. I’ve also reached a plateau in emotional and mental capacity. I’m sure I have something to look forward to, but I don’t know what it is yet, as there is so much that is unknown at this part in my life.
This time next year I could be in London, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Providence, Manchester, Oxford, New York City, or Chapel Hill. What does it matter that I’m a year further away from youth? The real news is yet to come, and so this pitiful little day seems hardly worth noticing. Instead of feeling excited, I’m sitting here at 2 am, watching a hard drive format. When it hits 100%, I’ll be far more elated than I was when the clock struck twelve.
It doesn’t appear like there will be enough in town to make any sort of get-together worthwhile. Even dinner plans with my parents are sounding less and less enticing. I’ve got fucking applications to do; I think I’ll stick to those.
Thank god she’s here though, keeping my heart up with her eyes. It would have been a lot tougher otherwise.
I’d prefer to be wished a productive birthday, as it’s far more likely than the traditional wish.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
So..
I'm not oblivious anymore!
