Saturday, August 21, 2004
The second trilogy
4. The Insider's Blessing
An important imperial official reports to the commander about the work of the insider
5. Allowing for a rule
Just a day to be happy again
6. Heartford +2b
2b's theme song
An important imperial official reports to the commander about the work of the insider
5. Allowing for a rule
Just a day to be happy again
6. Heartford +2b
2b's theme song
Thursday, August 19, 2004
The loss
It's a re-occurring dream I've had quite often in my post-adolescent life. I had a break from it for a year, but it's been back in full force for the past 6 months, it's slightly different every time, but the overall story and theme is always the same: the acquisition of pure joy and then the realization that it's not yours, it's just a dream.
So here is how it happened last night. It was just some girl I've met on campus before. She's very pretty, but I don't really know her (not even sure if I've had a conversation before), but I've seen her enough for her to be a character in my mind.
The dream, as usual, started me in a state of elation. She was sitting behind me, and we were surrounded with friends doing other things. I turned to her and smiled, and suddenly she kissed me.
Then comes that wonderful feeling that you first get when you realize that feelings are mutual. That cloud 9 feeling that seems like it'll never dry up. She was suddenly gone, but I knew where she would be waiting for me. My friends smiled at me, as if to tell me, "Go to her Matt... you know where she is."
I ran home, across an Horry County bridge out in the country. My home was different in ways I can't remember. My mother didn't say anything to me, she just smiled. I turned right, away from my house, towards the giant tree that grew by the river. It was quite big, like a miniature version of the beanstalk Jack would sometimes climb. I clambered up the side of it, and there she was, nestled in a little crook in the tree, like she was born there.
Suddenly, I forgot what I was supposed to do. I knew I had to embrace her and seize the moment, so I tried to, but suddenly she pulled away and climbed up to the platform that made the tree-house. I followed.
I noticed she had a shawl over her shoulders, so I pulled it away, and temporarily reeled back. She didn't have the nice figure I remembered. She was still quite beautiful, but her body was sickly thin, like a twig. I knew what this was, it was an attempt to make me unhappy with what I had. I wanted to tell her to put on some weight... to change, just so I could be happy. Then I remembered that it wasn't my place to change her.
She looked me in the eye, and laughed. She's happy, I thought. She kept on laughing as it grew more and more obvious that it was at me. I heard the creak of wood as men and women stepped out onto the deck around me. They were all chuckling... this was some kind of joke.. she didn't really like me. Suddenly, as expected, I realized it was all a dream. They were laughing at me because, as usual, I fell for the same dream. The same dream I'll fall for forever and ever and ever.
I guess it made for a depressing morning. I wish I knew why I had them.
So here is how it happened last night. It was just some girl I've met on campus before. She's very pretty, but I don't really know her (not even sure if I've had a conversation before), but I've seen her enough for her to be a character in my mind.
The dream, as usual, started me in a state of elation. She was sitting behind me, and we were surrounded with friends doing other things. I turned to her and smiled, and suddenly she kissed me.
Then comes that wonderful feeling that you first get when you realize that feelings are mutual. That cloud 9 feeling that seems like it'll never dry up. She was suddenly gone, but I knew where she would be waiting for me. My friends smiled at me, as if to tell me, "Go to her Matt... you know where she is."
I ran home, across an Horry County bridge out in the country. My home was different in ways I can't remember. My mother didn't say anything to me, she just smiled. I turned right, away from my house, towards the giant tree that grew by the river. It was quite big, like a miniature version of the beanstalk Jack would sometimes climb. I clambered up the side of it, and there she was, nestled in a little crook in the tree, like she was born there.
Suddenly, I forgot what I was supposed to do. I knew I had to embrace her and seize the moment, so I tried to, but suddenly she pulled away and climbed up to the platform that made the tree-house. I followed.
I noticed she had a shawl over her shoulders, so I pulled it away, and temporarily reeled back. She didn't have the nice figure I remembered. She was still quite beautiful, but her body was sickly thin, like a twig. I knew what this was, it was an attempt to make me unhappy with what I had. I wanted to tell her to put on some weight... to change, just so I could be happy. Then I remembered that it wasn't my place to change her.
She looked me in the eye, and laughed. She's happy, I thought. She kept on laughing as it grew more and more obvious that it was at me. I heard the creak of wood as men and women stepped out onto the deck around me. They were all chuckling... this was some kind of joke.. she didn't really like me. Suddenly, as expected, I realized it was all a dream. They were laughing at me because, as usual, I fell for the same dream. The same dream I'll fall for forever and ever and ever.
I guess it made for a depressing morning. I wish I knew why I had them.
Ren
Since my userspace is lacking, I'm going to offer everyone the chance to download my latest cd 3 songs at a time! The name of my 3rd attempt of an album is Ren, the follow up to Never Been There and Dehack. Well, here are the first 3 songs:
1. 0101 Star
2. Life In Trocadero
3. Monoscope
