Thursday, June 24, 2004
Police Report 34112//4a: Diary of Matthew Collin
Seeing as this was the subject's prime venue for communication, we, the Humberside Police, saw it fit to post his last diary entry on his website, so all that knew him might read it, and hopefully give us some indication as to what fate befell him:
Wednesday, June 23rd - Afternoon
There is a growing darkness in my mind. The presence of the silver slime trail sent shivers up my spine when I first saw it. They only come out a night, when their power is at their greatest. Of all the evil things to beset this house, this is the greatest threat that 62 Minster Moorgate, and possibly the city of Beverley itself, has ever encountered.
I will prepare my tools of war for tonight, when I go to confront the evil thing and be rid of it.
--Later
My father has gone to sleep, unaware of what may come tonight. I have turned off the gas fire in the living room and turned out the light. I will continue to prepare in my room upstairs, and wait for the dreadful thing to come out.
Thursday, June 24th - 2:30 AM
My heart is pounding. I know not how I made it up the stairs, but this may be the last entry I'll ever make. Of all the evil tings that this world can produce, out of the site of the Lord, this is the worst a man should ever be meant to endure. I shall attempt to recall events as they happened
At 2:00 am, I proceeded down the stairs armed with only the knowledge of my enemy and a ninja's wit. I flicked on the light of the living room, expecting to catch the brute as he ravaged the crumbs the are scattered around the base of the couch. I wasn't the least bit prepared for what image fell upon my eyes.
There he was, grinning. Well, he would have been grinning if he had been granted a mouth, but his huge bloated form gave the overall impression of a grin. He sat there, fat with his gorged crumbs, staring at me. I was prepared to face him, but to my horror I realized that we two were not the only ones in the room. I looked to the left and right, and discovered, to my horror, that there were three others of his evil and blasted kind with him.
"Be gone foul beasts!" I shouted, at which point the fat bloated one bellowed with laughter.
"Ah, Mr. Collin, so we meet again? Did you enjoy the slime I left in your shoe last night?"
I held up the cross of our lord and savior began muttering the rites of removal, to banish this dark being from the carpet in front of my favorite couch. Again his slimy brown body shook with laughter.
"Fool! You think you god has any power of me? Lord Slug shall never tremble before your pathetic idol." And with that he nodded towards a thin black slug that was next to him. "Marcel, take him down."
The black slug grinned and rushed me with an uncanny speed for his kind. As he was approaching me at approximately 3 inches an hour, I had no time to react when his small black form squished up against the base of my big toe.
Now, I am a man of some courage. I have faced some of the most ruthless villains in my time (and they must have been ruthless, for they were hardly ruth), but I was never prepared for the cold slimy, mostly icky feeling Marcel gave me when he touched my toe. With a shriek easily likened to a 6 year old girl, I bounded up the stairs sprinkling salt behind me as I went, slammed my bedroom door and dove underneath the covers.
My friends, if you are reading this, know that I have always enjoyed our time together, but I am afraid my luck may be out. If you are reading this, then it is likely that the slugs came for me in my sleep, and my slimed body has been tossed over the edge of the Humber bridge... or I have escaped, and am now planning my counter-attack. Farewell! I will attempt to scale the garden wall, but I don't know how many slugs will be waiting for me out there!
Matthew Collin
Wednesday, June 23rd - Afternoon
There is a growing darkness in my mind. The presence of the silver slime trail sent shivers up my spine when I first saw it. They only come out a night, when their power is at their greatest. Of all the evil things to beset this house, this is the greatest threat that 62 Minster Moorgate, and possibly the city of Beverley itself, has ever encountered.
I will prepare my tools of war for tonight, when I go to confront the evil thing and be rid of it.
--Later
My father has gone to sleep, unaware of what may come tonight. I have turned off the gas fire in the living room and turned out the light. I will continue to prepare in my room upstairs, and wait for the dreadful thing to come out.
Thursday, June 24th - 2:30 AM
My heart is pounding. I know not how I made it up the stairs, but this may be the last entry I'll ever make. Of all the evil tings that this world can produce, out of the site of the Lord, this is the worst a man should ever be meant to endure. I shall attempt to recall events as they happened
At 2:00 am, I proceeded down the stairs armed with only the knowledge of my enemy and a ninja's wit. I flicked on the light of the living room, expecting to catch the brute as he ravaged the crumbs the are scattered around the base of the couch. I wasn't the least bit prepared for what image fell upon my eyes.
There he was, grinning. Well, he would have been grinning if he had been granted a mouth, but his huge bloated form gave the overall impression of a grin. He sat there, fat with his gorged crumbs, staring at me. I was prepared to face him, but to my horror I realized that we two were not the only ones in the room. I looked to the left and right, and discovered, to my horror, that there were three others of his evil and blasted kind with him.
"Be gone foul beasts!" I shouted, at which point the fat bloated one bellowed with laughter.
"Ah, Mr. Collin, so we meet again? Did you enjoy the slime I left in your shoe last night?"
I held up the cross of our lord and savior began muttering the rites of removal, to banish this dark being from the carpet in front of my favorite couch. Again his slimy brown body shook with laughter.
"Fool! You think you god has any power of me? Lord Slug shall never tremble before your pathetic idol." And with that he nodded towards a thin black slug that was next to him. "Marcel, take him down."
The black slug grinned and rushed me with an uncanny speed for his kind. As he was approaching me at approximately 3 inches an hour, I had no time to react when his small black form squished up against the base of my big toe.
Now, I am a man of some courage. I have faced some of the most ruthless villains in my time (and they must have been ruthless, for they were hardly ruth), but I was never prepared for the cold slimy, mostly icky feeling Marcel gave me when he touched my toe. With a shriek easily likened to a 6 year old girl, I bounded up the stairs sprinkling salt behind me as I went, slammed my bedroom door and dove underneath the covers.
My friends, if you are reading this, know that I have always enjoyed our time together, but I am afraid my luck may be out. If you are reading this, then it is likely that the slugs came for me in my sleep, and my slimed body has been tossed over the edge of the Humber bridge... or I have escaped, and am now planning my counter-attack. Farewell! I will attempt to scale the garden wall, but I don't know how many slugs will be waiting for me out there!
Matthew Collin
