Thursday, September 09, 2004
Do I know you?
I don't know why most of my blogs are written after 1 am, possibly because I spend most of the day working, and the last few hours playing with a little more work stuck in the middle.
My mind is typically scrambled and salted at this point in the evening; my emotions are being warped by whatever I'm listening to, so I find it hard to convey the sounds I hear into emotion.
Mogwai pretty much hits it home. Their collection of leftover songs Ep+6, pretty much hits every emotional nerve a college student feels, with great songs like Superheroes of BMX, Small Children in the Background, Stanley Kubrick, and Burn Girl Prom Queen.
So what am I holding on to at 2 am? I'm trying to suspend reality for a few moments. Most others have gone to bed, as should I, considering I have to run at 8 am tomorrow morning, but for some reason I don't want it to go any further. This is our last year here, and while I'm happy to be back, I'm not ready for it to all be over.
I saw someone from my high school the other day. I know his face pretty well, as he used to pick on me in middle school. He looked right at me without a slither of recognition, so I decided not to approach him.
It's just another example of how I've cut myself off from my past. I'm worried I'll do it again, out of the need to survive in a new environment. Will I delete my IM list and start fresh? Will you see me on the street some day and pass without a word from me? Will I be caught up in some other web? I sure as hell hope not, as my college friends have been some of the best friends of my life, but then again, I'm a strange person.
Strangely enough, I'm not adverse to making more friends in this final year. It's like I'm trying to grab ahold of something that can never be there. We're spent goods: no longer full of the piss and fire that freshmen and sophomores have. We're just 20+ and are already tired.
I guess I'll just have to find my answers on the running track, where I'll let all the stress run out the bottom of my feet, as I glide....
