Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Police Report 34112//4b: Memoirs of a Redhead
Detective Arthur D. Blumberstaff Reporting:
After receiving the subject's initial diary in the post, the Humberside police quickly sent a squad of cars out to 62 Minster Moorgate, in Beverley. They discovered the house was intact, but that the Minster located just down the street was surrounded by a ring of fire. They found no trace of anyone there except for the body of some humongous form, obvious obliterated by a fall from the top of the Minster. Preliminary tests suggest that some of the remains are human, and the rest... slug. Next to the remains, we found another diary which we presume to be have also been owned by Mr. Collin.
Thursday, June 24th - 6:30 AM
Thank god that the sun rises so early in this part of the world. I have survived the night. Before the foul beasts made a run at the staircase, I woke my father and set him away on his bike, telling him to stay with our relatives in Grismby until I called for him. I then prepared a choke point at the top of the stairs, and waited. The attack never came, and soon light began to seep through my curtains, a sign that the evil that rules the night had gone away. I haven't much time now. I must spend the day preparing, so I can go down their dirty little hole and vanquish the horrible disease that exists down there. I shall spend all of today preparing, I will hold out once again during the night, and then tomorrow morning, when their power has waned, I will strike. God be with me.
--Afternoon
I have had a very productive day so far. I have bought the utensils I need to do my dirty deed, and have met two people that have raised my spirits. One is Sir Miguel Zanahoria, a Spanish knight and acclaimed slug hunter. Unfortunately, due to injuries he received in his last hunt, he is only capable of saying "Con Dios, ganaremos!" (With God, we will win!). This, of course, limits his conversational abilities, but after telling him my plight he seemed to be eager to assist in any way I can. The second person I met at the local Safeway, was the lovely Eliza Delby, the daughter of the Lord Mayor of Hull. She is a wonderful woman indeed, as we spent tea talking about the wonders of life. She is most intelligent and educated, and will make a fine wife some day. She also has a nice ass, but I refrained from telling her so. She is staying at the youth hostel just down the street, so I might visit her sometime soon, if I am still in this world. Enough daydreaming, I must prepare to last the night!
11:35 pm
Horror! Horror indeed! As I waited again at the top of my staircase, preparing for an assault by that vile wretch, I heard a scream come echoing from down the street. I quickly lowered myself out the back window (for fear of treading in my living room during the day) and made my way down to the local youth hostel. I found the patron, Francesca Du'monbleagh, in tears on the floor of the front room.
"Mrs. Du'monbleagh, what has happened?" I cried.
"Oh, Dear Mr Collin! He has sent for her! He has sent for her and taken her!" She began to shake with sobs. I leaned over and shook her.
"Who has come?" She looked up with a dazed look on her face.
"I had such a terrible dream, one of a great big slug, bellowing with laughter. It was so horrible I awoke with a start, and thought I heard noise in the front room. I lit a lantern and went down, and saw the most horrible thing. Liza was on the floor, in her nightgown, unconscious I hope... but standing... well her, slithering next to her was thin black beast of a slug!"
I nodded. It must have been Marcel.
"He looked at me and his stalk eyes burned with hatred... and so I dropped the lantern and screamed... I must have fainted, for when you came in I saw no sign of them."
I looked around, and noticed immediately the slime trail with flecks of black in it, Marcel's signature. It led to a large hole in the wall. Holding the lantern in front of it, I saw the tunnel led in the direction of the local Minster. I turned back to the sobbing patron.
"Fear not, Mrs. Du'monbleagh, for I will rescue sweet Eliza if it means my life." She looked up through her tears.
"Do not Mr. Collin! You are so young! Do not throw your life away, for he is too powerful! Lord Slug owns all that is underneath the streets, and you are but a man."
"I am just a man, Francesca, but I am a man in love... or rather a man desperate for sex! I am also a man trained in the ninja arts. I will face the great beast when he least expects it, tonight!" and with that, I leapt out of her door and ran back to my home. I entered through the front door, for I knew the slug menace would not come to my home tonight. After I finish this diary, I shall make for the Beverley Arms Inn, where Sir Miguel Zanahoria is staying. Tonight we hunt slug.
TO BE CONTINUED......
After receiving the subject's initial diary in the post, the Humberside police quickly sent a squad of cars out to 62 Minster Moorgate, in Beverley. They discovered the house was intact, but that the Minster located just down the street was surrounded by a ring of fire. They found no trace of anyone there except for the body of some humongous form, obvious obliterated by a fall from the top of the Minster. Preliminary tests suggest that some of the remains are human, and the rest... slug. Next to the remains, we found another diary which we presume to be have also been owned by Mr. Collin.
Thursday, June 24th - 6:30 AM
Thank god that the sun rises so early in this part of the world. I have survived the night. Before the foul beasts made a run at the staircase, I woke my father and set him away on his bike, telling him to stay with our relatives in Grismby until I called for him. I then prepared a choke point at the top of the stairs, and waited. The attack never came, and soon light began to seep through my curtains, a sign that the evil that rules the night had gone away. I haven't much time now. I must spend the day preparing, so I can go down their dirty little hole and vanquish the horrible disease that exists down there. I shall spend all of today preparing, I will hold out once again during the night, and then tomorrow morning, when their power has waned, I will strike. God be with me.
--Afternoon
I have had a very productive day so far. I have bought the utensils I need to do my dirty deed, and have met two people that have raised my spirits. One is Sir Miguel Zanahoria, a Spanish knight and acclaimed slug hunter. Unfortunately, due to injuries he received in his last hunt, he is only capable of saying "Con Dios, ganaremos!" (With God, we will win!). This, of course, limits his conversational abilities, but after telling him my plight he seemed to be eager to assist in any way I can. The second person I met at the local Safeway, was the lovely Eliza Delby, the daughter of the Lord Mayor of Hull. She is a wonderful woman indeed, as we spent tea talking about the wonders of life. She is most intelligent and educated, and will make a fine wife some day. She also has a nice ass, but I refrained from telling her so. She is staying at the youth hostel just down the street, so I might visit her sometime soon, if I am still in this world. Enough daydreaming, I must prepare to last the night!
11:35 pm
Horror! Horror indeed! As I waited again at the top of my staircase, preparing for an assault by that vile wretch, I heard a scream come echoing from down the street. I quickly lowered myself out the back window (for fear of treading in my living room during the day) and made my way down to the local youth hostel. I found the patron, Francesca Du'monbleagh, in tears on the floor of the front room.
"Mrs. Du'monbleagh, what has happened?" I cried.
"Oh, Dear Mr Collin! He has sent for her! He has sent for her and taken her!" She began to shake with sobs. I leaned over and shook her.
"Who has come?" She looked up with a dazed look on her face.
"I had such a terrible dream, one of a great big slug, bellowing with laughter. It was so horrible I awoke with a start, and thought I heard noise in the front room. I lit a lantern and went down, and saw the most horrible thing. Liza was on the floor, in her nightgown, unconscious I hope... but standing... well her, slithering next to her was thin black beast of a slug!"
I nodded. It must have been Marcel.
"He looked at me and his stalk eyes burned with hatred... and so I dropped the lantern and screamed... I must have fainted, for when you came in I saw no sign of them."
I looked around, and noticed immediately the slime trail with flecks of black in it, Marcel's signature. It led to a large hole in the wall. Holding the lantern in front of it, I saw the tunnel led in the direction of the local Minster. I turned back to the sobbing patron.
"Fear not, Mrs. Du'monbleagh, for I will rescue sweet Eliza if it means my life." She looked up through her tears.
"Do not Mr. Collin! You are so young! Do not throw your life away, for he is too powerful! Lord Slug owns all that is underneath the streets, and you are but a man."
"I am just a man, Francesca, but I am a man in love... or rather a man desperate for sex! I am also a man trained in the ninja arts. I will face the great beast when he least expects it, tonight!" and with that, I leapt out of her door and ran back to my home. I entered through the front door, for I knew the slug menace would not come to my home tonight. After I finish this diary, I shall make for the Beverley Arms Inn, where Sir Miguel Zanahoria is staying. Tonight we hunt slug.
TO BE CONTINUED......
